I have never hated going to the bathroom, until I came to Japan. It has really nothing to do with the squatting. Its just that going to the bathroom here is too troublesome, that I often wish I could avoid it at all costs. So, I will have to outline the process of using the bathroom here, as I encounter it in my daily life. The first few hours of the day are spent drinking tea (from a starbucks tumbler, preferably), and as much as possible, you should wait until noon to go, as to only make one trip while at school. Step one is the walk to the bathroom. First it is necessary to wear a jacket, and often a scarf (use later). And the journey begins. About 7 feet away from the bathroom door, the ming begins. As if hell itself is using the bathroom. So, at this point it is necessary to use the jacket to cover your nose. As to soften the smell. Enter the bathroom. Of course it will be uncomfortably cold. Now it is time to switch from your indoor shoes (separate from that of the shoes you wear regularly) into the bathroom slippers provided (freezing cold). Quite often these slippers are plastic and have been at the school since it opened. Most likely everyone that had used them, also peed on them. So, now that the slippers are comfortably on, it is time to step into the stall. More often than not, you will be faced with the squat toilet. It wouldnt be half as bad if you didnt have to hold your nose while using it. But usually, you just cant be arsed to squat in the first place. The next step is to quickly take the scarf, and tie it around your face, as to block any air passage to your nose. The stall mings worse than the surrounding area of the bathroom. (There is one school where it pretty much smells like three day old garbage from a korean restaurant...no lie...its just not fair.) At the same time you must keep holding the jacket over your nose. And since you are squatting, you are also holding on to a wall, or a lever or a window. Now...once done, it is time to run like hell out of the stall without dropping the slippers (or in my case, sunglasses) in the toilet. The next step is to wash your hands in the icy water with no soap, swtich back into your indoor shoes, and run out of the bathroom until you are safely at least 7 feet away. Finally you can take your scarf off, and let go of your jacket. And pray that you wont have to wizzle until at least 4:30.
A few weeks ago, I went to Osaka for the day with some friends (Yukari Yasu and Misako), to go to Universal Studios. It was very weird to see Universal in Japan. Because I associate it so much with Florida and CA. Disney is not so weird. Disneyland is more Japanese than Sony. But Universal. That is something. Because it was a weekend, it was kind of crowded. And we were only in the park from 11-345. In that limited time we rode ET (same smell as the one in Orlando), Spiderman, Jaws, and saw Waterworld. Then we shinkansen-ed back to Hiroshima. (Before we got on the train, we met some of the players from the pro-volleyball team from Hiroshima...see photo) Back in Hiro, the group of us had a huge steak dinner. Which is very unusual. So after this huge steak dinner, I ran into my house as if I hadnt eaten in days, and proceeded to eat two pnut butter and jelly sandwhiches, and other things that were in the way. In Japan I am always always hungry. And since I gave up kaki-pi for lent, I have nothing satisfying to eat, at the most critical of times. Although lately I have been trying to cook things. Two weeks ago was Hina Matsuri, a festival for girls. People decorate their houses with little dolls, that have to get put away the day of the festival, or else the daughters in the house wont get married. Anyway, we had a party at Misako's house, and for the event I decided to make something. Egg salad. Easy enough. You boil eggs. Add mayonaise. And then put it on the bread. If daring you could add celery (I did, btw). Well, for some this process might be easy, but for me, it was a challenge. I remembered Mrs. Perrone boiling eggs, and I remembered something about eggs floating. So I put the eggs in the water and they sank. So naturally, I thought that since they were sinking to begin with, they must be done when they float. Okay. 45 minutes to an hour later, there was no sign of any floating in the kitchen. So I sent an email to misako asking how long it should take. She said five minutes. Oops. Conclusion: Japanese eggs never have and never will float. Needless to say the white eggshells turned brown. And the next day I had to do the whole thing again. Also, keeping with the topic of food, I had an unfortunate experience the other day with a dessert. Usually before, during, and after I am eating, I am hungry, so on the way back to my office, I stopped to get a parfait like thing from the combini. In honor of the sakura season, I got a sakura parfait. It looked so great...layers of different things, and a pretty little edible flower on top. Sold. Back at the office....I avoided the flower at first, just to keep it as a decoration. So far so good. Yoshida was buzzing around me. But I didnt care, I had tea, and sugar. Suddenly the room became quiet. And I knew it was time to sacrifice the flower decor on my dessert. I didnt really think twice about it. I had eaten flowers before (that were part of the food...not in the wild), so I figured, it wouldnt be any different than in times past. How could it be? And then I attempted to eat it, and spit it out so far and so fast.....It was pickled. A pickled flower. There was a pickled sakura flower on the top of a seemingly perfect food. A pickled flower. What the hell is a flower doing, being pickled? And who decided to pickle a flower. Then I remembered. Oh, Im in Japan. And with that, I knew it therefore made sense.
Recent encounters with the Japanese.......The other JET on my island, Gen(evieve), spent an absurd amount of time on the phone with a travel agency trying to book a japanese tour to China. And then I got on the phone with the Japanese lady she was talking to. And the woman, after asking all of the necessary information, address etc, started to get concerned:
Her: "Does the person who is going on this trip speak Japanese."
Me: "Enough. She will be fine."
Her: "Well, maybe it will be difficult for them to find the meeting spots in China. Since the tour guide will most likely not speak any English, just japanese and chinese."
Me: "They will be fine."
Her: "Hmmm, please hold on. I am going to talk to my boss......."
Translation: "We prefer you not take our tour because we cant be arsed to be responsible."
Anyway, Gen leaves on the 24th for China. She will be fine.
Way back in August, an obaachan kidnapped Gen and I and brought us to a little karaoke place in Habu. In February, I returned there with a few friends for karaoke and cream soda. As usual, Scottish Jen and I put in more songs than everyone else in the group, including Disney songs we planned to do as a duet. S. Jen and I dont sing karaoke, we perform. And that was the plan. So our number came up. We grabbed the mics. Stood in the middle of the place, and two old women, who apparently thought they were the be-all-end-all of karaoke started yelling at us in Japanese..."NO NO, that is BAD. You cant do that together...." And they were so pissed. Anyway, we duet-ed about 4 times. And they left before the first one was over I think.
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